An exploration into life as a person without children.
Dates Read: 13/06/2022 to 17/06/2022
Star rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Word to describe: Infuriating
Genre: Non-fiction
I picked up this book due to pure curiosity. I didn't even read the blurb, the title had grabbed my attention without hesitation. My relationship with children is a complicated one, I love kids (my niece especially) and if I was to be destined to have my own I wouldn't be afraid. But simultaneously pregnancy terrifies me and I convinced myself from a young age that adoption would be the only option. I even gave myself a timeline, if I wasn't engaged by 25 I was adopting a baby boy.
Society puts a lot of pressure on young people to consider their future. The topic of boyfriends/girlfriends and marriage and the heteronormative culture is fed into a child's brain from a young age. T-shirts with lady killers or future footballers' wives on, dolls that re-create pregnancy, babysitter-themed toys, and a hundred crying baby dolls. The point I'm making is that the decision whether to have or not to have children is often one that is deeply ingrained into your own culture. Many ostracise their women and those who choose to step outside of these social boundaries.
Childless Voices by Lorna Gibb focuses on exactly just that. Teamed with her own experience of endometriosis, which led to early menopause and infertility, Lorna tells the stories of four different types of childless voices. Those who long, those who were denied, those who believe, and those who chose not to. Each section introduces numerous cultures and focuses heavily on the impact of childbearing on women. One of my hopes for this novel was that it would be more inclusive and focus on both men, women, and the transgender or gender non-conforming communities. The gap for this was never filled properly. This is most likely due to Lorna Gibb telling the stories of those women she related to, given that she herself has suffered from infertility.
In the chapter those who long, Gibb discusses the outcasting and social separation those who are infertile may experience in different cultures. From being excluded from their village to beaten by their husband's families, to being declared a witch for being impure, to even committing suicide as a result of all the aforementioned. When compared to the UK where infertility is deemed a medical problem, stories of other cultures and countries hit me like a train. Whilst I had known that fertility for some cultures and religions is a sign of goodwill and God's grace, I could never have imagined the cruelty that those who are infertile would be subjected to as a result of their infertility. I stopped reading several times, taking a moment to absorb the harrowing stories that Lorna Gibb retold.
As the book continued so did the sad stories. Tales of men and women forcefully made infertile by the partial or full removal of reproductive organs in the name of "population control". Infanticide in China following the one-child rule. Female genital mutilation encourages women and young girls (some as young as 7) to not have sex before marriage. Abortion rights are being taken away pushing women into backdoor abortions with untrained medical staff and instruments filled with diseases. Each of these stories adds more and more to an already upsetting book. It paints the photo of children and never-to-be parents lying in a pool of blood and organs. It creates images of loss and pain. And, overall, it creates a fact that for many parts of the world our bodies are not our own and will continue to be controlled in the name of reproduction.
That leads to the final chapter. This one was the smallest of the sections but perhaps the most serene. It talked of those who have chosen not to have children. The reasons differed from environmental reasons to childhood trauma, to health conditions, to the LGBT community fearing attacks. It spoke of adults who have decided that children are not for them and creates a large juxtaposition when compared to the previous chapter, which dripped with longing and pain for a child. I honestly wish this chapter had been longer and spoke more about how people who declare themselves child-free are often just as ostracised from their community, and how that affects their relationship with others.
Lorna Gibb has created a book that comments on the harsh reality, of a world plagued with victorian ideals, on how procreation remains the centre of our existence. It discusses men and women who are punished for what is viewed as an act of hate from God or Gods. It discusses those whose bodies were forever modified as a result of selfish governments and racism. It tells the story of people whose lives have changed completely because of two small cells. An egg and a sperm. The two cells that can dictate the lives of so many. I look forward to seeing more work published by Lorna Gibb and the intellectual discussions that can be created through her research.
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